So this morning I notice multiple posters around my neighborhood with a reward for a lost cat. Lost cat posters always tell one of three stories:
1. Cats don’t run away forever unless you didn’t feed them…in which case the cat is not lost at all but either newly found or newly dead (side of the road or scrapped into a bag by a govt worker most likely).
2. The cat was killed by the parents in a tragic driveway accident and the signs are a cover-up by loving parents who just happen to be bad drivers (since the cat’s name BOOGIE is the largest text on the poster #2 seems more likely as the only people who don’t know that cats don’t know their names are the same ones who still believe in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy).
3. Lastly, Boogie is not like other cats, he does know his name AND how to READ as long as the text is bold Arial 23.5 font and plastering the cats name around is a desperate cry for Boogie to finally give up his promiscuous night life and stop banging every pussy that he sees (#3 seems least likely as a pussy banging another pussy isn’t news to anybody and no matter how renowned Boogie may be, he’s probably loooong dead and gone).